Why the Heck am I up at 2AM?

Well, for one thing, I've just "hacked" my phone to include some cool new features.  Things like built-in GPS, WM6.1, and other things have made my phone new again (since it's been SO LONG that I've had it - something like 6 months).  Of course, the hack process didn't go as smoothly as I had hoped, so what was supposed to be over before Friday was over ended up spilling into early Saturday morning.  But, now it's all BEAUTIFUL.

Also, I felt like I needed to comment on my last blog post.  It continues to amaze and disgust me how much of my faith can waver based on circumstances.  I know that our Creator gave us emotion and free will and thought, but something so core to me as my faith, and coming from that my passion, shouldn't fail based on circumstances.  I'm not saying it should never be tested.  In fact, I firmly believe that faith and passion must be tested in order to see the depth of both.  However, I just wished I "passed" those tests more often than not.

By the way, if you want to see some cool stuff about serving your community, visit http://blog.buckheadchurch.org.  The latest video post (hey, maybe I gotta figure out how to that here instead of just typing all the time - I am so old school) outlines some recent service projects by a huge group of singles.  Now folks, this is "Buckhead" first of all, and what most people (OK, me) usually think about singles in Buckhead have nothing to do with service projects and working with the community.  So I was utterly drawn to tears when I saw this resulting video.  If you tend to think that the younger generations really don't care about anything other than themselves, watch this video to be encouraged.

Peace.

Do I Really Believe My Passion?

It's raining here in Atlanta today. We were supposed to get some pretty severe storms (nothing like the tornado from weeks ago), but it's turning out to be a drizzly, dreary day. Don't get me wrong, I'm definitely thankful for the rain, but it has gotten me to think about life in a slightly different tone as I stare out my window.

Those of you that know the circumstances I have endured the past few months know that it has not been an easy time. I don't wish similar times on anyone. However, even over this most recent trial, I had held fast to what I truly believe my passion to be: Helping People Find Their Way. I've never really thought about whether it would ever come back to me (you know, kind of a "pay it forward" type of philosophy), but I'd be lying if I said that I haven't been disappointed that I haven't seen much come back from my relationships.

Now I am taking a HUGE leap here in saying this in my blog, and even as I type this I am whispering to myself, "what are you thinking!?!?". But, part of this blog is for me to share who I am and my thoughts hoping that it might encourage those around me.

See, I spend a LOT of my time building into people's lives. Whether it's family, clients, friendships, etc., I get most satisfaction out of helping people. Helping them find a job. Helping them navigate a family crisis. Helping them find a solution to their problem. Sometimes helping them help themselves. But as I reflect back over the years at the people who have had the same level of reciprocity to me, I'd have to say it's been hard for me to find.

And it depresses me.

Not because I feel like I deserve anything, but because in my times of suffering and anguish, I have tended to feel alone. Almost not cared for. At least in not the same way I have cared for others.

So I've began to wonder today - is it really worth it? Should I really do whatever I can to make others successful, when I know I haven't seen much coming back to me? Should I still believe in my faith that it's not about this world and it truly is about serving others, or should I take the road that I perceive most others take, which is to take care of number one first?

Well, on this rainy, dreary day, with a depressing set of circumstances looming over me, I must say that I am not sure.

And you don't know how much that scares me.

What Quitting Really Means

About a month ago I had lunch with a dear friend of mine. We have known each other for 14 years, and she has really become a member of our family. At this lunch, we were talking about the different things going on in the world today, and in particular, how a friend of hers was in a point of desperation where the friend just wanted to quit.

Then my friend spoke a word of wisdom to hers:

"Well, you know, quitting is just a permanent solution to a temporary problem."

Hmmm...

I sat and thought about that for a moment. At first, I was very much in disagreement. I mean, there are lots of reasons to quit doing something. Injustice, immorality, safety. In fact, I could look back at my life and pinpoint many times when I quit for the right reason.

Or was it always the right reason?

As I thought some more, I realized there were many times I made a choice to permanently end something when if I had just had the fortitude to stick it out, I may have been able to work out the temporary problem over time.

So what causes us to choose this permanent solution to a temporary problem? Well for me, it was usually pride or options. Pride because I thought I was right and how dare someone challenge me. Or, options that somebody else gave me that provided an easier (for the time being) pathway than slugging it through the situation. The times when I did stick it out, it was usually the times I was willing to die to my pride and/or ignore other options. I wish I could say that my track record was better in that regard, but the folly of youth made me much quicker to abandon situations.

I'd like to think that I have gotten better and wiser, and I believe I have. Maybe it's because I don't want my children to look for the easy way out. Maybe it's because the people I am privileged to mentor in my professional life need a message of dying to pride for their own and others' good. Maybe I'm just getting tired of change.

In reality, it's probably all of those things. But at the end of the day, I know that there are much fewer times when quitting - a permanent solution to a temporary problem - is the right path, and that true character and growth come from staying in the ring, fighting, and succeeding in the battle.